I bawled practically the entire ceremony. I know I looked ridiculous, standing there as a bridesmaid, with tears streaming down my face. However, I've realized that I wasn't just crying over the fact that my oldest brother is the first of us siblings to "tie the knot," and I know that is how it should be but, for four years of my life, I thought I would be the first. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that it wasn't me walking down the aisle with my daddy, and I am so, unbelievably ecstatic for my brother and his wife (still trying to get used to saying that). But, while I was standing there, listening to them proclaim their love for each other, and repeating those vows about staying together through richer and poorer, sickness and health, and listening to my cousin read 1 Corinthians 13, which we all know what that passage says, I couldn't help but completely lose it. And listening to a family friend beautifully sing "When I fall in love" was just icing on the cake.
I am still dealing with the fact that my closest friends are in happy relationships and I am now second best, when I used to be top priority. It's still very difficult for me to accept it, and I'm really working on trying to be the best friend possible when they need me. But, a phone call, or text to check up on me and see how I am doing regularly would be very nice, and would reassure me that they still care. I suppose for now, I am getting my wish to be alone and have time for myself. Mainly because the majority of my friends are so caught up with their boyfriends or girlfriends and I feel like fifth wheel, so to say.
However, I know for an absolute fact that one day, very soon, I will see that sun shining again, and all the pain, hurt, disappointment and frustration will go away. All these stages I'm going through are just there to make me a stronger and better person for myself, ultimately, but also for my family, friends, God and my future husband.
This post is dedicated to my brother, Bryan and my beautiful sister-in-law, Mandy. You two are the essence of true love and I can't wait to watch you two grow into a beautiful family with Christopher and soon-to-be Zachary! I am so excited to gain another nephew in a few weeks and I hope I can be the best aunt and sister to all of you. I love you all more than you know! Congratulations!